With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, you may feel compelled to act on any romantic feeling you’ve been having for a certain someone. Worry not, The Beacon is here to save you from certain humiliation. This is why you should absolutely NOT ask out your crush:

13.) Stalking is more fun

12.) Everyone is beautiful— it’s too hard to pick just one

11.) Sharing germs is icky

10.) We’ll all die in the end anyway

9.) Might harm current relationship

8.) People think it’s weird to talk to yourself

7.) No follow back on twitter, can’t slide into DMs

6.) Restraining order creates a tense atmosphere

5.) Food is basically the same thing as love

4.) Steve Buscemi is already taken

3.) Already have a cat

2.) Bad experience in third grade

1.) You’ll get rejected