Romance: a tell-all guide to the holidays


Emily B. '17

Holidays bring pressure to woo your significant other—a pressure which, unfortunately, often means shelling out more cash than your pockets can handle. A delicate diamond ring or curling up in front of the fire is cliché enough to guarantee a lonely New Year’s. The Beacon is here to deliver unique, alternative ways to truly show your special someone how much you care.


  • A box of chocolate, accompanied by a gym membership and a promise to “help work off those extra pounds”
  • A perilous, adrenaline-filled stroll across the mostly frozen neighborhood pond
  • The gift of life (available in child, turtle and special-edition Jaws of Life)
  • An all-inclusive trip to a Caribbean resort for your significant other full of young, tan, scantily-clad people (who are not you)
  • An exciting new vacuum cleaner to bring some fun back into cleaning your house
  • Socks
  • An evening spent praising the Lord with their racist grandparents who curl their lips at your dream of becoming a rock god
  • A reminder that love is the greatest gift and they should be grateful to have you, by golly!