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How to: survive the greatest American holiday, Black Friday

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How to: survive the greatest American holiday, Black Friday

Reagan B. '21, Writer

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If you are feeling disconnected from your American roots, this is the perfect way to join the rest of the country in the most patriotic event you can be a part of. This is your guide to Black Friday shopping with everything you will need to know and more!

There is no better way to spend time with your aunt who comments on how you are still not in a relationship, or your grandma who will not stop asking about your post high school plans than shopping with them until the sun comes up. After giving thanks, and stuffing yourself full with every food item made by your absolute favorite relatives, get in a two or three hour nap to revive you from the food coma, it is time to hit the road to embark on your incredible Black Friday adventure.

Have everyone pile into one car together and get going. Best Buy, Target, Walmart, Sephora and Apple are spots to shop because they will not be crowded at all, so you will not have to wait in any unreasonably long lines. With all the steals and deals, most items in the stores will be on some record sale. Because of this, it is obviously rational to spend twice, or even three times as much money as you normally would.

After arriving at the store, you may notice all the people lined up outside, but do not be discouraged. The line goes by in a blink of an eye, and you will be inside shopping in no time. Although you may need to throw some elbows to get what you want, it is okay; just make sure you get what you came for. The most efficient way to shop is to have a plan of who is getting what before you arrive. It is imperative you make sure everyone knows exactly what they need. You cannot make any mistakes on Black Friday, as this is your only shot. You have to make it count. Make your list early, so when you get inside you can divide and conquer.

After splitting up, get ready to run, because there will be other people besides you looking for the brand new iPhone, and you have to get there first. Although you may have to throw a few things, or people, out of the way to get what you absolutely need, do not worry, the workers love that. Once you have gotten all the items on your list, hurry to the checkout line. After a brief wait in line, dump all of your items on the countertop in front of the employee at the cash register. Get your 12 bags, head back out to the car and go on home.

Congratulations! You have officially survived the greatest American holiday, and had fun while spending all of your money at the same time.

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