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How to get your crush to like you

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They walk into school. A smile is on their face, even though it’s seven in the morning. Eye contact is made for a split second, and your heart speeds up dramatically. It’s your crush. You want to know if they like you back, and this is how to get your message across.

1. Be aggressive.

Most high schoolers are completely transparent with their emotions, but if the person you’re interested in is even a little closed off, get in their face and ask a million questions. If they get freaked out, be happy. It means they have personal space and will respect yours when you’re a couple.

2. Follow them around school the whole day.

Memorize their schedule and follow their every move. When they figure out you’ve followed them, they are bound to appreciate your dedication (the fact you like them so much to learn their whereabouts). If they run away, it’s okay. They just weren’t prepared for your love.

3. Learn every single thing about them.

Their favorite color, how many siblings they have, what bones they’ve broken and their cat’s name from 11 years ago. Everything needs to be known. Stalk their Instagram, Twitter and Snapchat, interview their friends and get their mom’s phone number to ask her questions. It may seem creepy at first, but you will know who they are inside and out when you’re finished. Plus, when they find out you know everything about them, they will be so happy and want to find out everything about you. If they aren’t happy, don’t worry. They will be soon.

At this point, if they ignore you, run away when you come near them and won’t let their cat out of the house, they definitely like you back. However, if they hang out around you, know everything about you and know your schedule by heart, dump them. They are obviously stalking you, and you should run away from them pronto.

1 Comment

One Response to “How to get your crush to like you”

  1. Emily Randall on October 18th, 2017 10:21 am

    OMG, I loved this! It was cute and fun- with over exaggerated lessons in the field of crushes. It hit satire right of the nose, as well as great flow to the piece. I found it great that the writer poked fun at something so simple, but yet so not. There was also a bit of truth in some of the steps, except from stalking, and knowing his/her cat’s name from 11 years ago- lol. I also enjoyed how you said the said ‘crusher’ would get the ‘crushee’ to like them back no matter what they did, and if not then soon. However, right at the end you stated that if they return the favor with everything you’ve done to them, then they are a stalker and you should run away pronto. Even though through the whole piece it was stated that that is standard procedure for your crush to like you. Super funny , and subtly clever.

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